Long and thinky it may be, but THIS DID NOT SUCK. (Worry and berate yourself as much as you like - that's the job of the picky author, after all - but your readers will continue to assure you that you are awesome, because that's what we do, and you ARE awesome. x3)
Dan needs a hug. =( There's nothing like separation to make you feel the loss of someone more acutely. Even though Ror can be unbelievably annoying, the present circumstances kind of force them to stick together.
I love the little touches you put in, like Adrian getting a new pair of glasses for Dan. xD And Dan's memories in black and white; oh, that was so sad for some reason...
The entire section where Dan was struggling with his doubt and finally decided to fight on, that was amazing. It was your flow-y style and use of asides that drew me to your writing in the first place. And the last scene is going to be stuck in my head for a while... ='(
And now that the PLOT has thickened, I can't wait until the next installment. Sorry for gushing and complimenting without giving any useful crit, but aside from the occasional typo I really can't think of anything to complain about. The plot development kept my attention all the way through.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2009-07-06 01:22 am (UTC)Dan needs a hug. =( There's nothing like separation to make you feel the loss of someone more acutely. Even though Ror can be unbelievably annoying, the present circumstances kind of force them to stick together.
I love the little touches you put in, like Adrian getting a new pair of glasses for Dan. xD And Dan's memories in black and white; oh, that was so sad for some reason...
The entire section where Dan was struggling with his doubt and finally decided to fight on, that was amazing. It was your flow-y style and use of asides that drew me to your writing in the first place. And the last scene is going to be stuck in my head for a while... ='(
And now that the PLOT has thickened, I can't wait until the next installment. Sorry for gushing and complimenting without giving any useful crit, but aside from the occasional typo I really can't think of anything to complain about. The plot development kept my attention all the way through.