This could be the saddest dusk I've ever seen

[etherati]

So, this last week was pretty godawful.

First, my parents lost another of the cats that I helped bottlefeed and hand-rear from two days old, back in 1998. Cancer, again, just like her brother. Their other brother is now the only one left. I can't say a lot about this part because I am still too devastated to process it.



Then a freak frost came through and completely destroyed my garden weeks too early. Just an annoyance, but god damn it.

Then I lost the musical bedrock of my life, which leaves me feeling strangely like... I don't know, like without a soundtrack, the rest of my life won't be as real as the first 31 years have been. There are certain things you expect will always be there, like the moon and the smell of newsprint on transit in the morning and the way the sky looks bruised and translucent after a storm, and REM was one of those things to me. They got me through more shitty things than I can count, and they told me that everything I was feeling had been felt and survived before, and they promised me that there was nothing wrong with me for being nostalgic and sentimental and for looking for all the lost and forgotten things, traced out in grainy black and white and framed by transistor radio static. It was okay to see things differently, to resonate with strangeness. Now I don't know if it still is.

Ugh. Damn it all.

I guess I just needed to get some of this laid out, here. Hopes for a better week coming up, please? :\

Comments

[sandoz-iscariot.livejournal.com]

So sorry to hear about your cat. She looks like a beautiful girl. :(

[etherati.livejournal.com]

She really was, and so delicate and tiny. They were all sweethearts; I can try to remind myself that they had a way better life with us than they would have on their own, if they'd even survived, which seemed unlikely at the time. But that only goes so far, i don't know. it's rough, but that's not news to anyone.

Thank you though, I really appreciate it.