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etheratiSo, this last week was pretty godawful.
First, my parents lost another of the cats that I helped bottlefeed and hand-rear from two days old, back in 1998. Cancer, again, just like her brother. Their other brother is now the only one left. I can't say a lot about this part because I am still too devastated to process it.
Then a freak frost came through and completely destroyed my garden weeks too early. Just an annoyance, but god damn it.
Then I lost the musical bedrock of my life, which leaves me feeling strangely like... I don't know, like without a soundtrack, the rest of my life won't be as real as the first 31 years have been. There are certain things you expect will always be there, like the moon and the smell of newsprint on transit in the morning and the way the sky looks bruised and translucent after a storm, and REM was one of those things to me. They got me through more shitty things than I can count, and they told me that everything I was feeling had been felt and survived before, and they promised me that there was nothing wrong with me for being nostalgic and sentimental and for looking for all the lost and forgotten things, traced out in grainy black and white and framed by transistor radio static. It was okay to see things differently, to resonate with strangeness. Now I don't know if it still is.
Ugh. Damn it all.
I guess I just needed to get some of this laid out, here. Hopes for a better week coming up, please? :\
First, my parents lost another of the cats that I helped bottlefeed and hand-rear from two days old, back in 1998. Cancer, again, just like her brother. Their other brother is now the only one left. I can't say a lot about this part because I am still too devastated to process it.
Then a freak frost came through and completely destroyed my garden weeks too early. Just an annoyance, but god damn it.
Then I lost the musical bedrock of my life, which leaves me feeling strangely like... I don't know, like without a soundtrack, the rest of my life won't be as real as the first 31 years have been. There are certain things you expect will always be there, like the moon and the smell of newsprint on transit in the morning and the way the sky looks bruised and translucent after a storm, and REM was one of those things to me. They got me through more shitty things than I can count, and they told me that everything I was feeling had been felt and survived before, and they promised me that there was nothing wrong with me for being nostalgic and sentimental and for looking for all the lost and forgotten things, traced out in grainy black and white and framed by transistor radio static. It was okay to see things differently, to resonate with strangeness. Now I don't know if it still is.
Ugh. Damn it all.
I guess I just needed to get some of this laid out, here. Hopes for a better week coming up, please? :\
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Date: 2011-09-29 12:28 am (UTC)And yeah, it's so weird, it feels exactly like that. Like you have a friend, and you're just going along and everything's fine, and then one day they're like 'oh btw, fuck you', and walk away. And you're left with your head spinning and your hands in the air like... what just HAPPENED? Where did THAT come from?